Dana Nessel

Dana Nessel is running to be the next Michigan Attorney General. Now that we live in a post-Harvey Weinstein world, Nessel wants you to know the most important reason for Michiganers to vote for her. She does not have a penis. Nor, apparently, a good sense of judgment.

Yes, she’s running as a Democrat.

Here we thought there wasn’t going to be any excitement in Michigan after Kid Rock (see Watch: Bikers Show Up Bigly — Defend Kid Rock Against Protesters and Detroit Piston Fans Boo Pro-Trump Kid Rock, Cheer Trump-Hater Eminem). We were wrong.

Here’s Nessel’s campaign video going into detail about her lack of a dong.

Wait. Sorry, wrong clip. I hate it when that happens.

Here’s your next AG for Michigan:

Project Republic actually reached out to Ms. Nessel’s campaign with questions*. Is this part of a broader anti-penis effort being brought to Michigan? Does she think she can ride this all the way to victory? What about women who have a penis, since LOL gender roles? Is she trying to shame transwomen? Who do have penises? Will this clear anti-pecker bias affect how she enforces laws against people who do have peckers? What about people who chose to chop their chipper? Are they allowed to serve as her staff?

Her chief-of-staff was less than receptive, and only issued this as a statement:

PCU

So vote for Dana Nessel for Attorney General. Justice? Crime? Law enforcement?

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Who cares! She just doesn’t have a dong. She won’t drop her pants and expose herself! She’s not going to jizz into a potted plant! VOTE FOR HER WITH YOUR LADY PARTS! Don your pussy hats, ladies, there’s a new no-penis in town. She’s here. She’s near. She’ll use her non-penis to fear!

*Nope

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