PARTY POOPER: Chuck Schumer Tweets Tax Chart to Fuel Thanksgiving Day Arguments…
PARTY POOPER: Chuck Schumer Tweets Tax Chart to Fuel Thanksgiving Day Arguments…

Thanksgiving is one of the best holidays for the most part. It’s the one day where you have an excuse to swell your waistline with stuffing and cranberry sauce. One of the not-so-great parts? Navigating the minefield of sensitive topics with your politically-opposed relatives.

Trump: I wanted to slaughter Obama’s pardoned turkeys but lawyers told me not to…

Just when you thought you might be able to keep the peace this year? In comes the clown Chuckie Schumer with a chart for leftists to use against their Republican relatives on Bird Day.

Good job, Chuckles. Way to de-escalate Bird Day tensions by adding a molotov cocktail to the equation.

conan sarcastic clap

We already have to deal with lengthy lectures about the atrocities committed against the red man. On top of the shade we get for not being “with her” last year. Half the time, you and your lefty relative are two seconds away from cracking each other’s skulls with turkey legs. Fighting over the wishbone… to wish away the patriarchy.

Most of us are happy to put politics aside for one day. Watch some football. Eat some bird. Try to tolerate cousin Gaylord, who can’t stop talking about his fair-trade hemp cardigan and the gas mileage of his new Tesla. Everyone hates you.

But, thanks to hyper-partisan douchenozzles like Chuck Schumer, we’re distracted from polishing off our third plate by debates over kneeling NFL players and tax reform. Also known as the last thing we want to talk about when there’s a giant spread of dead animals and carbohydrates to be consumed.

Give it a rest, Chuckie.

Oh, and just in case you need more help. Planned Parenthood (Planned Parenthood’s Tips on How to ‘Feel Safe’ from Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Family Members…) and GQ have you covered! (GQ Urges Leftists to Trash Thanksgiving for Trump Voters in the Most Ridiculous Way)

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